A Treaty of Peace


  THROUGH massacres of each other's citizens China and the United 
States had been four times plunged into devastating wars, when, in 
the year 1994, arose a Philosopher in Madagascar, who laid before 
the Governments of the two distracted countries the following MODUS 
VIVENDI:

  "Massacres are to be sternly forbidden as heretofore; but any 
citizen or subject of either country disobeying the injunction is 
to detach the scalps of all persons massacred and deposit them with 
a local officer designated to receive and preserve them and sworn 
to keep and render a true account thereof.  At the conclusion of 
each massacre in either country, or as soon thereafter as 
practicable, or at stated regular periods, as may be provided by 
treaty, there shall be an exchange of scalps between the two 
Governments, scalp for scalp, without regard to sex or age; the 
Government having the greatest number is to be taxed on the excess 
at the rate of $1000 a scalp, and the other Government credited 
with the amount.  Once in every decade there shall be a general 
settlement, when the balance due shall be paid to the creditor 
nation in Mexican dollars."

  The plan was adopted, the necessary treaty made, with legislation 
to carry out its provisions; the Madagascarene Philosopher took his 
seat in the Temple of Immortality, and Peace spread her white wings 
over the two nations, to the unspeakable defiling of her plumage.